Армине Аракян - Размышления в тему и без

© Армине Аракян, 2016

ISBN 978-5-4483-0948-9

Создано в интеллектуальной издательской системе Ridero

Наконец-то зарегистрировала себя в ЖЖ! Почему это было важно? Скажу! Ведь уже не секрет, что я намереваюсь-таки начать свою книгу и никак не начну в силу многих многих многих причин. Есть так много чего рассказать, что не знаю – все впихнуть в одну книжку или разбить все это дело на серию книг. Но вот не дай бог еще уподобиться злосчастным писакам, которые выпускают книги по какой-то формуле, иначе их не назовешь! Так как нормальную книжку надо выстрадать, выносить, родить наконец. Вот наверное с помощью этого ЖЖ наберусь наконец храбрости и начну мало-по-малу высказываться по поводу и без. И если мне самой моя писанина не надоест, то не надоест и тебе – мой читатель, а посему – будет иметь смысл начать книжку. Зачем я все это вам говорю? Да потому что хочу чтоб ты гордился мной когда-нибудь – когда я уже буду знаменитой, и мой блог за меня будут вести другие, а я буду где то на необитаемом острове в поисках музы на новый шедевр. А ты бы мог сказать что читал мой самый первый пост в ЖЖ – дескать стоял у самых истоков. Нескромно? Естественно. Я и не претендовала никогда на эту добродетель. Да и вообще – что такое добродетель? На любителя: Кому-то скромность добродетель а кому-то гадкое, напускное, выдуманное, нелицеприятное, чужое понимание оной. До скорого!

…last minutes and hours of another winter ticking away in the room, with me sitting in the middle of the ticking wall-clock and another movie, another best one. So many people around, each in their own cells, surrounded by their own cell-guards waiting their next day as a punishment. But there is going to be no next day. There is no next day. There is one endless today. Today is endless. Every day is today and every day while we wait for the next day to come. The next day will bring with itself nothing but another today. It is spring ladies and gentlemen! How do you spend your last winter night? Getting ready for another busy day? Running somewhere for getting something? Why? For what? Do not hurry. Tomorrow never comes. I love listening to the clock-ticking. It is a mechanical proof of time passing by. Or rather of us passing by the time. We pass by each other without counting days. Without counting the hours we spend together on this tiny planet among the huge system where we are not alone for sure. We are lonely, but not alone. Why one cannot choose? There is always choice to stay or to go? To smile or to stay grim? To wait, or to run away? I want to wait. I want to smile. I want to stay. Welcome – the last winter night!

Location: Армения, Ереван

Somewhere far away in the universe lives my soul. I know who took it away and I don’t mind because he needs it more than I do. It has to go that far to come back to me improved and to teach me things I still don’t know. Learned to stop asking the question «why» because no one who could answer is near. No one who could look into my eyes and give me the answers to one or two of my «why"s. It does not make sense anyway, because the moment you find the answers the questions change:) the quote is not mine but it is totally my case. I love this life and this life seems to love me back with all its heart. This is the philosophy I am living with and this is the truth I believe in. Everyone believes his own god. I believe that my soul is in safe hands now because I miss it so much. Who sent my body here and forgot to attach me to all the necessary attributes I need to go on with? I don’t know but whoever did it, was a Master:) There is one thing I know for sure. Nothing makes sense, so no need to find sense in everything. Do not rationalize, just do what makes you feel happy and does not make others unhappy. These are both equal values I live with. If someone has better answers I will be glad to… CONSIDER. But not change. If I change, I will get lost, because the path is clearer now than ever, and the light is visible. I yearned for peace of mind, and I got it. Where is my soul now? Did you get your peace of mind? Was this what you wanted, my soul? I hope so, because otherwise I want you back to safety with me. I will not let anyone hurt you any more:.

It all started on a strange rainy day when she was getting back home in a taxi. It all started strange. The taxi driver warned that he is short of petrol, but she never minded it. She was in a hurry home though as a rule she always found excuses and reasons to be late. More time to her own self as usual. The selfishness in her sometimes scared her but she learned to live in comfort with her own self for her own sake. Anyway the taxi driver was not only short of petrol, but also very talkative which she sometimes hated. Not that she was not sociable enough to find two words to exchange with a regular taxi driver. But not today. Today she was asking herself thousands of questions at once: that guy she had in mind for those few days: she felt very strange attraction towards him. He was not uttering a single word to her during the time they were sharing the same society (let’s call it like that for now). But yet he seemed to be watching her intently all the time, even when she was not conscious of his existence. Probably he interested her because he was so aloof and so laconic. Probably she was always attracted by the strange and unknown? Well she was not positioned to judge now.

Something was definitely going wrong with the taxi. The petrol was heading towards the critical mark and she knew they had still half the way to go. She was nervous but she knew that she would reach home and she wanted to speak to him soon enough on the net. Probably that’s why she took the bad taxi in a bad weather.

The badness of weather revealed itself immediately when she thought about it. It was drizzling when she took the taxi, and it became all of a sudden to pour as hell. She never saw such a rain in all her life. In less than 15 minutes the streets reminded of grey, dirty, cold rivers running down the street to an unknown, dirtier solace. What else could happen to worsen her mood? True, my reader. The petrol. He ran out of the entire petrol before they were almost there. In other weather conditions she wouldn’t mind at all, but now those 500 meters seemed an eternity to her, with no help arriving, and no hope for the rain to cease. So she had to make the choice again. Impatience was a virtue with her, so she took the harder way.